


When Mon and Epy Met Miong and Pole

by bukkunmoonsin (bukkunkun)



Series: Heneral Tuna | The Artikulo Uno Cat Café AU [3]
Category: Heneral Luna (2015), Heneral Luna | General Luna (2015) RPF
Genre: Cat Cafés, Cats, Disabled Character, Gen, HAHAHHA NKKLK, SOBRANG BIASED AKO NASAN ANG HUSTISYA, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 10:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5494709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bukkunkun/pseuds/bukkunmoonsin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Wow</i>. Epy Quizon had the <i>gift</i>.</p><p>An Artikulo Uno Cat Cafe AU, brought to you by team #histoparty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Mon and Epy Met Miong and Pole

**Author's Note:**

> hindi ako talagang marunong magsulat ng reader insert fic. Yes, this AU is reader-insert. Care yan ni spacedpanini. Pero dito, agender ang reader. Malay ko ba anong gender niyo. Don’t be shy in projecting yourself as the assistant. Thank you!
> 
> [tumblr version here](http://bukkun-moonsin.tumblr.com/post/135714949658/when-mon-and-epy-met-miong-and-pole).

“I’m accommodating two people today?”

“ _Sorry, only time they were free. Funny coincidence, but at least the hits on IG will be amazing._ ”

“Sir Jerrold, that’s—”

“ _Hey, hey. Listen. There’s a whole fanbase on the Internet that’s sort of… into that thing_.”

“Into what thing?”

“ _… Never mind. They’re on their way right now, so I suggest you get ready._ ”

“… Okay…? But who’s coming over?”

“ _Mon Confiado and Epy Quizon_.”

… Seems reasonable enough, yeah. Not bad.

“Okay. Thanks, sir.”

“ _Thanks. Have fun today!_ ”

Jerrold’s assistant hung up before needing to answer, and looked at the cats that had gathered at their feet. The sound of Pole’s 3D-printed wheelchair’s clacking caught their attention, and lagging behind the group was Pole, walking alongside a patiently walking Miong with a little difficulty.

“Oh, hello,” they greeted, getting down as the cats scattered around them to return to their usual devices, and patiently waited for Pole to arrive at their feet before picking him up. “You’re out and about today.”

Pole meowed weakly, and Miong pawed at their feet. “Hm?”

They watched Miong hurry to the cat food, pressing a paw to it before meowing at them again. “Oh, Pole, you’re hungry? But you all just ate.”

Pole shook his head, and lightly patted his paw on their cheek, right below their ear.

“… The… phone?” they ventured. Pole was a smart cat, but with the whole… language barrier, it was impossible to understand Pole sometimes. The cat meowed again, clearly agitated at their lack of understanding, but dear _God_ it was hard trying to understand cat-speak, alright?

The doorbell rang all of a sudden, and they jolted. “Oh, must be them,” they said, putting Pole down next to an exasperated Miong, clearly upset he got Pole’s need wrong. They hurried to the door, and opened it to see two men standing outside, smiling at them.

“Uh, is this Jerrold’s café?”

“Artikulo Uno, yes, hello,” Jerrold’s assistant nodded, holding their hand out for them to shake. “Sir Confiado and Sir Quizon?”

Mon laughed, cheeks dimpling. “No need to be so formal. Eps?”

“It’s fine, really,” Epy shook their hand, and gestured at the café inside. “Can we come in?”

“Oh, yeah, please do,” Jerrold’s assistant stammered, standing aside to let them step in. They stood off to the side, wondering why they were so _nervous_ , but then they remembered how imposing Mon looked in the movie, and—

“Ah, hello.” Mon’s voice made them jolt, and they resorted to hiding behind the kitchenette to take photos for them.

The two actors took a seat at one low table, twin smiles spreading across their faces when cats began to approach them. Mon got covered with cats almost immediately, from Tunying and Paco half-crushing his legs (Jerrold’s assistant got a sinking feeling it had something to do with his role as Aguinaldo, but stayed quiet), the kittens playing with his leather jacket’s shiny silver zippers, and… wow. Janolino was _behaved_. That was _new_.

Andoy kept carefully away from him, but he and Oryang watched over EJ as he ignored the world for Mon’s zippers. Epy had Manuel on his lap, chuckling, but then he turned at the sound of clacking, and Jerrold’s assistant realised belatedly that they’d left Pole out with his wheelchair half-off, since they’d picked him up and carried him around.

“Ah, wait, Sir Epy—”

“Aw, what a beautiful cat you are,” he warmly said, reaching for Pole, who looked at him with wide, curious eyes. Jerrold’s assistant held their breath—people reaching for Pole usually faced Miong’s wrath, but much to their surprise, the Scottish Fold remained still.

 _Wow_. Epy Quizon had the _gift_.

Mon turned from where he was laughing at Rusca, Jose and Janolino chasing after the beam of light he was reflecting from his watch to see Epy carefully lift the sickly grey cat into his arms, gently shucking off his wheelchair to nestle him in his arms. “Hello there,” he peered at the collar around Pole’s neck, and breathed a tiny chuckle. “Pole. Aw, like Apolinario.”

“Eps?” Mon asked, leaning over to watch Epy coo at Pole, as Manuel slipped out from his lap to lick his brother clean. “Aw, is he missing his legs?”

“He’s just _different_.” Epy corrected him, and looked back down to see Pole shuffling around in his arms to cuddle close to his chest. “Nothing wrong with losing your legs.”

“Um, sir, he was born without them.” Jerrold’s assistant spoke up, catching their attentions, and they walked carefully over to them to take a seat across them. “Sir Jerrold apparently found him in an alley in the rain a while back, coughing up a mess and down with pneumonia.” Epy frowned at that, scratching the back of Pole’s ears, and the cat began to purr.

Well. He rarely did that. That put a smile to Jerrold’s assistant’s lips.

“Miong was with him.” They continued, and at that Mon laughed lightly.

“Miong, like Emilio Aguinaldo?” he asked, and just on time, Miong meowed to make himself known from where he was sat next to Epy’s hip, keeping careful watch over purring Pole in Epy’s arms. “Oh, my God. His ears,”

Miong gave him a _look_ , and slipped over to Mon to climb his arm.

“Ow, ow—” the actor complained mildly, but when Miong got on his shoulders, the cat pressed his side to Mon’s cheek, and the man smiled at that.

Epy laughed. “Looks like it takes one to know one, Mon.”

“… Huh?”

The younger man hid a snicker behind his fist, and Pole meowed in his arms. “ _Flat tops_.”

Mon and Miong blinked for a moment, and looked at each other. The Scottish Fold’s eyes darted up to Mon’s hairstyle—still in Aguinaldo’s hair from shooting _Heneral Luna_ , and when it clicked, Mon began to laugh good-naturedly.

“Get off the Internet, Eps.” He managed between peals of laughter, and he lowered Miong to his lap to have better access to Pole, if ever.

Jerrold’s assistant couldn’t help but laugh either, and held up their camera. “Sirs, if it’s okay, can I take a photo of you both with those two for IG?”

“Oh, sure,” Epy nodded, adjusting Pole in his arms to press their cheeks together, flashing a toothy grin, and Mon lifted Miong so the cat’s head was under his chin. They took a photo together, and Jerrold’s assistant tried not noticing how fast the likes came in favour of continuing their story.

“Well. Anyway, Miong is a really, really dear friend of Pole’s. He wouldn’t leave his side, so Sir Jerrold took them both in the café.” They continued, “He printed Pole’s wheelchair, too.”

“I really should thank him when I see him again,” Epy sighed, rubbing his nose against Pole’s head, chuckling when Pole rubbed back, meowing sweetly. “It’s really too bad I can’t adopt you.”

“You can always come back,” Jerrold’s assistant offered.

“Yeah, I’d like to see Miong again, too,” Mon smiled, holding up Miong, and then laughing when the cat’s brow furrowed in concentration. “What’s wrong, Miong?” he asked, and the cat reached forward towards him. He hummed, pulling Miong closer, and much to the surprise of everyone, the cat pressed his paw right into the curve of Mon’s dimple.

Much to their amusement, it fit perfectly.

Epy let out a barking laugh, shaking his head. “Look at how well that fits,” he chuckled, and Mon shook his head, shoulders shaking in mirth.

“You are a cheeky little thing,” he fondly scolded Miong, who likely understood nothing, judging by how his tail swished in a pleased manner. “Cheeky, cheeky.”

And Miong meowed sweetly, sweeter than Jerrold’s assistant had ever heard before, and what was up with all these cats finding their human soulmate?

Still, it was a fun time, Mon and Epy staying for the longest they can to bond with all the cats, but Epy never once let go of Pole, even volunteering to feed him when it was time for his usual meal. Miong tailed closely after them, but also liked hanging out with Mon. Jerrold’s assistant got a photo of him perched on Mon’s head and both they and Epy shared a good long laugh about it.

 When it was time to leave, much to everyone’s surprise, Pole cried. Meowed loudly, clinging to Epy’s shirt, and the smile that was on the actor’s face was worthy of another photograph on IG. Mon’s accounts apparently also had more photos of Pole with Epy than himself with Mon.

(It wasn’t their fault the two were so heartwarmingly photogenic.)

“Shh, I’ll be back, I promise,” Epy told Pole, kissing the cat’s head. “Calm now, don’t cry.”

Miong was also low-key upset about Mon leaving, clinging to the man’s jacket, but when Mon detached his claws from the fabric, he gave the cat a huge smile, and a warm hug.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry.” He told the cat, “We’ll be back before you know it.”

Jerrold’s assistant smiled warmly at them both, and when the cats had settled down into their respective beds, Mon and Epy smiled at them.

“Thanks for this wonderful day,” Mon told them, “Looks like we’ve made new friends for life.”

Epy chuckled. “Sorry if I hogged Pole from Miong.”

“I doubt he minds, really,” they replied, smiling. “I’ll make sure Sir Jerrold knows. Have a safe journey!”

“As long as Mon drives properly, I think I’ll be fine.” Epy dryly joked, earning him bright laughter and a smack on the arm from Mon. He snickered, and held his hand out for Jerrold’s assistant to shake. “Thanks.” He said, and they nodded, shaking his hand, and then Mon’s.

They gave the men a wave as they left, and when the door shut, they sighed, and smiled down at Pole, who was peering at them with eyes that looked like they were pleading.

“They’ll be back,” they told him, stroking his head, “Come on now, let’s get you back into bed.”

As they picked him up, Miong on their heels, their phone rang.

“Sir Jerrold?”

“ _What’s this about an offer for Epy and Pole to endorse disabled animal adoption_?”

They paused, and blinked.

“… What, sir?”

“ _Oh, my God. The IG posts._ ”

“I… think so?” they ventured, sharing a look of confusion with Pole. “What do you mean endorse—”

“ _This is brilliant_.” Jerrold cut them off. “ _Let them know we’re game if Epy is—and I’m sure he is. This is going to go right into our savings.”_

Ah, ever the business tycoon. Jerrold’s assistant sighed, but smiled. “Noted, sir.”

“ _Good, good_.” He hung up, and they looked at Pole.

“Looks like you’ll be meeting again, huh.”

Pole purred, and meowed his agreement.

Well, what a day.


End file.
